


First comes the rush, then the fall

by idioticintentions



Series: Thorki Drabbles [1]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Pining Loki, Pining Thor, Post-Ragnarok, Sex scene with a woman, Threesome with OFC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 02:34:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13649637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idioticintentions/pseuds/idioticintentions
Summary: There is a truce between them now. The ever-changing topography of their relationship has settled into a gentle plain. But perhaps this plain is the flat top of a plateau. When will they reach that fall?And what awaits them when they do?They both swing their gazes to her. And she shrugs. “It’s not gay if it’s a three way.”





	First comes the rush, then the fall

There is a truce between them now. The ever-changing topography of their relationship has settled into a gentle plain. Loki finds himself breathless with the calm. He can see for centuries and they are  _ always _ together.

Thor appears less affected. It is only in his looks that last a little long with a smile flitting in their shadows that he even hints his acknowledgement of this change. He stares when he thinks that Loki cannot see him. Loki always preens when he does that.

But perhaps this plain is the flat top of a plateau. When will they reach that fall?

And what awaits them when they do?

\--

Valkyrie is having a rousing conversation with Hulk and Thor in the mess hall. It is loud, so loud that Loki can hear it in the corridor where he is taking Eyr’s complaint about healing supplies. Rather than giving thoughtful platitudes, his attention is completely caught around the conversation a few paces away.

_ “This fuck, marry, kill? We don’t actually fuck, marry or kill them?” _ Valkyrie asks. Her voice is loud but her consonants are soft. She has been drinking again.

Bruce’s voice rumbles.  _ “No. No we do not do that _ .”

_ “Then what’s the point?” _

An eruption of laughter then. Thor’s is loudest of all. Loki feels something in him ache. He tries to focus on Eyr but his mind is casting back. It is looking for when Thor last laughed like that with him.

Had it been on the ship?

In Sakaar?

Or was it centuries ago?

“We need to grow more witch hazel for astringent,” Eyr soldiers on, completely oblivious to Loki’s distraction. “The green rooms won’t grow anything unless it’s edible.”

“And because it’s a shrub,” Loki adds. Thor has just proposed to Valkyrie: the grandmaster, Korg, and Miek. She doesn’t hesitate in her choices.

_ “Kill Grandmaster. Fuck Korg. Marry Miek.” _

“I understand that, but this is one of the few plants we have seeds to. They need to make room.”

Thor accuses her of being drunk. As to why, Loki doesn’t know, but his mind spins upon her being drunk. They have been rationing mead since they began their trek across the star system.

“Alcohol is an astringent?”

“Yes.” Eyr is hesitant.

“I have an idea,” Loki says and with that turns on his heel. He walks towards the mess hall.

_ “Alright! Let’s see what you choose. _ ” Valkyrie declares. Something slams, possibly her fist on the tabletop, She needs to stop doing that. Their supply on tables are limited. “Thor, fuck, marry, kill: Grandmaster, that haircutting guy--” Thor makes a sound of disgust. Loki mentally agrees. That man was unpleasant and always wanted to give him a shave. A shave of  _ what _ he doesn’t know. “And Loki.”

Loki stops in his tracks. Sweat breaks out on his palms and for a moment he worries that he’s been caught. He knew keeping distance was important. It was only a matter of time for someone to see the darkest secret in his dark heart. He had gotten too comfortable. 

But there is no way they can know, he assures himself. He is the most skilled liar in their realm and probably more. Valkyrie also killed off so many brain cells with her alcoholism that she would be the last person to put it together. No one but Loki knows that he is in love with his brother.

Nonetheless, Loki finds himself waiting with bated breath. Thor takes a while to answer.

“Well, I’d kill the hair guy, he  _ did _ cut my hair.” Another moment of thought. Loki feels himself lean in closer as if he may hear better. “You know what, I’ll kill the grandmaster, too.”

“So you’ll fuck and marry your brother?” Valkyrie prompts.

Thor’s tone is teasing. Loki can only imagine his words being accompanied by a theatrical wink. “Anyone would be begging me to marry them after I fuck them.”

The joke lands. Everyone laughs.

Except for Loki. He feels small and shattered, leaning against the smooth wall for support. Rejection makes his breath tight. It sends his mind to that dark place he has been so good not to visit. He feels like he’s falling.

In two, measured breaths, he gathers himself up again.

“Lady Valkyrie, I have a proposition for you.” Loki announces as he enters, smile charming and confident. She looks unimpressed. Thor, though, is watching him with genuine adoration as if he didn’t just say he’d fuck and marry him. Loki feels a rush of vertigo.

Loki points to the bottle by her hand. “I’m going to need to know where you got that.”

\--

They get a functioning still working in the head of the ship. The engineering guys are getting a little more lackadaisical thanks to the fumes, but morale has improved shipwide. The healing rooms have their astringent for cleaning wounds. The denizens on the ship get to enjoy the moonshine, if they dare. So far Valkyrie is the only one able to put it back with no outward reaction. Even Loki, able to lie about all things, cannot lie about this.

There is something else he cannot lie about. And, as the still is built and the other issues he was working on are addressed, he finds this lingering issue coming forward. He cannot keep hiding behind busy days.

This issue is Thor. Thor who had to say the words that he’d fuck and marry him, but not mean them. Thor who had to break his heart with a joke to his friends.

Loki works to avoid him as best as he can. He stays in his rooms when he knows Thor is set to do his rounds. He attends the counsel meetings, giving advice when asked but never lingering after their conclusion. Eyr has taken him under her wing somewhat, teaching him the more physical side of healing. His magic is still the strongest on the ship, but she teaches him potions and poultices. 

Today, Loki is in the healing chambers, mixing a poultice to reduce inflammation, when Thor comes in. He is a walking wet dream, tall and commanding and completely disarming with his smile. He flatters the nurses. He charms Eyr. Then he finds Loki towards the back of the room and crowds up beside him.

Ever since Thor discovered his seidr, he has smelled of ozone. Today, he scents the air with coming storms and tossed seas. Loki half expects lightning to spark across the ceiling.

“You know the alcohol we have here is not the drinking kind,” Loki says without looking up. If he started looking now, he may not be able to look away again.

Thor shrugs. He is so close that Loki can feel the movement against his upper arm. “I actually came to collect you for some fun. You’ve been working too hard.” He wraps a large arm around Loki’s shoulder and draws him in to whisper in his ear. “Come to my room at 20:00.”

He leaves in the next breath. He appears to take all the air in the room with him. Loki leans on the counter, staring into the congealing poultice he needs to be stirring, and unable to because his mind is running too fast to allow a single motor neuron to fire.

_ Thor wants him in his room. _

_ He wants to have fun _ .

Eventually, Eyr rouses him from his stupor by admonishing him for ruining the poultice. She painstakingly shows him how to salvage it. He retains none of it.

He’s too busy hoping for something  _ more fun _ .

\--

Loki arrives at 20:30. He didn’t want to seem too eager. He also kept wondering if Thor would see through his clone and if that’d ruin this temporary peace between them. Because that’s the other line that Loki is toeing, isn’t it? One is wanting to fuck his brother and the other is to not get fucked over by his brother.

There is very little room to breathe between those two lines.

Of all the rooms on the ship, Thor has the biggest. While not multiple compartments, it does have space enough for a table and chairs in addition to the bed. Thor is at the table when he enters, sipping at a bottle of elven wine. He smiles, small and tender. Thor gives him a big one in return. “He came!” he announces.

His stomach bottoms out. Loki slowly turns and can now see a figure on the bed. She had been lying completely prone before and now has raised herself on her elbows, gold hair cascading over her shoulders. She is warrior built and fierce, but her look is lustful.

“Oh, my friend is going to regret not coming,” the woman purrs.

Loki looks to Thor. His smile is now that of a practiced diplomat. “I did not realize you were having company.”

Thor laughs and stands. He presses the wine towards Loki’s limp hand. “I said we were having fun. But now it appears just  _ you _ and Freja over there are.”

Thor goes to leave and Loki hisses. “Don’t leave me.”

Thor stops and gives Loki a quizzical look. Loki can see the gears turning in his head. Thor slowly draws the conclusion that this may be awkward and not at all something Loki may want. But before he can voice any of those thoughts, the woman on the bed--Freja-- comments, “Yea don’t leave. Join us.”

They both swing their gazes to her. And she shrugs. “It’s not gay if it’s a three way.”

“We’re brothers,” Loki explains as if she were dense. She must be, actually, since she had suggested it in the first place. But the thought has taken root. Could this happen? Could it be?

Thor hasn’t left. He is still standing beside Loki.

“He’s adopted,” Freja points out. She raises a challenging eyebrow.

Loki sees her knowing eyes. And her familiarity to him becomes stark. She is one of the nurses that work with Eyr.  _ She knows _ , he thinks. And rather than the normal fear, he feels exhilarated. The darkness in him practically purrs.

He swallows thickly and walks over to her. As he places a knee on the bed, he looks back towards Thor. “I’m not averse to sharing my gift,” Loki says and is surprised his voice isn’t shaking. The rest of him is.

Thor looks between the two, but the wine is helping. He takes another sip before putting the bottle on the table. Then he comes and joins them on the bed.

Freja is direct with what she wants. And she  _ wants _ . Loki has his mouth fitted to her, tongue working over her clit as his fingers dip inside. Her thighs quiver on either side of his head. Thor’s bracket them both on the outside. His brother got the king’s seat against the headboard and he is lazily kissing Freja’s mouth.

Loki doubles his efforts and is rewarded by Freja moaning. She breaks the kiss and becomes so lost in her rise to orgasm that Thor cannot regain her mouth. Loki glances at him briefly. His eyes are dark and gorgeous. His mouth is kiss-swollen. Loki groans and reaches his only free hand down to touch himself.

He brings Freja off. Then she turns over and presses her mouth to Thor’s cock. He moans at the swipe of her tongue. She presses her ass to Loki and he needs little verbal direction to know what to do. He only wishes he wasn’t facing Thor. Not that it’s a bad sight to look at--quite the opposite--he just worries he might call out the wrong name.

They find their rhythm, Loki thrusting and Freja using that momentum to swallow Thor down. At first, Loki fights to keep his eyes on the planes of Freja’s back and her muscles moving under her milky skin. But then he sees the tanned thigh of his brother and he is tracking that leg back to the torso it belongs to. When he finally meets his eyes, he sees Thor staring at him.

Loki’s breath is caught somewhere in his chest as the heat of that stare catches him completely off guard. He feels it burn in him. He feels the fire set.

Then, Thor reaches out and his hand cups Loki’s cheek. His thumb swipes along his chin where traces of Freja still stubbornly stick. Loki licks out. He keeps his eyes on Thor as his tongue touches the tip of his thumb. By doing that, he is able to see the full body shudder that wracks Thor.

“Please,” Loki hears himself say. But that can’t be. He hasn’t said please since he learned how to lie. He hasn’t begged in his life.

But he’s begging now.

Thor keeps his hand on the side of his face and then he is pulling him forward. Their mouths meet hesitantly. Then they are opening like flowers first tasting rain. It’s beautiful, languorous, and deep. Loki wonders how he can ever hope to live without this. If he even could.

They part just far enough that their breaths mingle. Loki expects words, but then Thor is shuddering through his orgasm. Loki can taste his own name on his lips. Thor called for him at his peak.

He is mindful of Freja between them, but she is just an instrument now. Thor finds room to move without his cock in her mouth and he takes Loki’s mouth again. They kiss dirty, deep and rough. Freja is forced to rise on her knees and she tosses her head back on to Loki’s shoulder. Loki holds her around the waist but his other arm is gripping Thor’s neck.

They become a beast with two backs, connected at the mouths. But weren’t they always that? Two sides of the same coin? One person split in two. Loki is not himself without Thor to balance him. He is not whole. He never was until now.

When he comes, he calls “Thor.”

_Thor._ _Thor. Thor._

\--

It was a night of deviance. It was a lapse of judgment. Time picks up and moves on; Loki finds himself having to do the same.

Thor is reticent as well. Loki being avoidant had been a non-event, but the king of ship becoming apathetic is another matter. They all assume it’s Loki’s fault. Valkyrie tosses him dirty looks. Bruce shakes his heads in a disappointed manner. He wonders how much more disappointed they would be if they knew the truth.

But exposing Thor exposes himself and Loki can’t do that. So he keeps his head down and keeps working.

Loki will give Valkyrie and Bruce credit for trying to cheer Thor up, though. They throw a feast with actually passable moonshine. There is a veritable parade of gorgeous women--and men--to Thor’s chambers. Bruce even works diligently to build a simulation for Thor to experience Asgard or Earth again as he pleases.

But none of it works. Thor remains despondent and they have months ahead of them before they make planet-fall. Valkyrie decides the root of the problem must be Loki. He always knew she was the quickest of the two.

She finds Loki in his quarters while he is getting ready for bed. She has him, back against the wall, forearm against his throat, before he can even ask  _ ‘who’s there?’ _ as his door opened. Her eyes are narrowed as she glares at him from inches away.

“What did you do?” she accuses.

Loki tries for noncommittal, but the shortage of breath probably doesn’t add to that effect. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Your brother is upset and I think you have something to do with it.”

She pushes him further into the wall. Silver dots are dancing in the corners of his vision. He could almost swear he could hear Thor shouting. But it must be an auditory hallucination. Thor hasn’t spoken above a whisper in a week.

“Why don’t you go ask him,” Loki sneers. His lungs feel empty now and he can’t draw in breath again. Valkyrie is a fury in his face.

Then she is not, suddenly disappearing, and Loki drops like a sack of bricks. He only manages to stay upright because strong arms catch him beneath the arms. Thor is yelling over his shoulder. “Are you trying to kill him?”

“He must have been trying to do that to you for you to be so depressed!” Valkyrie fires back. “Or something worse. We need you back!”

“I’m here!” Thor growls. Loki can feel the electricity by proxy. He is starting to think extricating himself right now might be in his best interest if he wants to continue living.

“No you’re not!” Valkyrie shouts, matching Thor for intensity. “You’re too depressed to eat properly. You don’t sleep. And you’ve been shit at command.”

“In his defense, he’s always been shit at command,” Loki supplies. Two angry gazes swing towards him and one very concerned one. Bruce is hovering in the doorway looking a little green.

Then Valkyrie throws her hands up. “Fine! Do it your way!” She marches to the door and gives a little nod to Bruce. It’s with that nod, Loki realizes they’ve been had. Thor doesn’t and shouts “fine then!”

“We’re not letting you out until tomorrow morning. Please, guys, work it out by then.” Bruce pleads. Then the door shuts and the little light that’s always been green above it is red.

“They locked us in.” Thor says. He beats on it with his fist. “Let us out! I am your king.”

Loki rubs his forehead in order to stave off the blooming headache. “Oh, lay off it. You’re only going to break my door and we’re very limited with those on the ship.” 

This is enough to convince Thor to stop pounding on the door, but not enough to calm down. He turns on Loki and points an aggressive finger in his direction. “This is all your fault!”

“My fault?” Loki asks, laughing. If anything, he has tried so hard for it not to be his fault that he deserves an award. He didn’t pursue Thor after that night. He has been carefully keeping his distance. And he sure as hell didn’t say anything. “Please Thor, enlighten me, how is this my fault?”

Thor stalks over to him. “You--you--”

“I what?” Loki asks, voice dripping in venom,

“You seduced me,” Thor finally lands on.

Loki rolls his eyes. “Yes, how silly of me. How could I forget inviting you to my rooms late at night where I had conveniently only one girl for the two of us. Oh. Wait. That was  _ you _ .”

Loki pushes him in the chest.

Thor pushes back.

“And who asked me to kiss them?” Thor’s gaze drops to Loki’s lips and stay there. “Why did you do that?”

Loki sneers. “Because I’m vile.”  _ Depraved, stupid, in love with you.  _ “Haven’t I always been the villain in your stories. I suppose I shouldn’t expect this to be any different.”  _ I guess I shouldn’t expect you to love me back. _

“Loki--”

“No,” Loki cuts him off. “Clearly, you’re ashamed, but your friends are right, as loathe as I am to say it. You need to stop wallowing in this self-pity. You need to move beyond this. Haven’t I held you back long enough?”

Thor looks cut. He searches Loki’s face for a tell or sign, but his meaning is writ large. “You don’t regret it?”

“Since it made you such a lousy leader, now I do.” Loki hisses.

But he doesn’t mean it. And that too is clear on his face. As their bridges have mended, Loki cannot lie as well as he used to with Thor. He finds he doesn’t want to.

“I thought you hated me with how you were avoiding me.”

Loki glances at the red light above the door. Until morning, Bruce had said. So it is until morning, Loki can let this moment rule him. All these emotions and wants and desires can be felt. He feels free for the first time in days.

“I thought you didn’t want me” Loki says.

Thor laughs. “We’re terrible at communicating.”

Loki shrugs.

“I want you, Loki. I want you so much it hurts.”

Thor kisses him. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Song listened to: Withdrawl by Max Frost
> 
> Might get continued if I can think of how to resolve this with a happy ending. Ideas are welcome :)


End file.
